Sometimes I wonder if I am going to look back on the pictures taken of me during college and feel like the experience was thorough and worth it. Are there enough smiling pictures of me with groups of girls, restaurant pictures, pictures at club functions, and whatever else? Are there enough pictures to authenticate my college days? Kind of like, when I was in high school, I lettered in two activities but never purchased a letterman's jacket. There was a fleeting moment during which I wondered, "Am I going to regret not having this jacket when I'm 45 and society convinces me I ought to be living vicariously through my children/younger self?"
Then I said, "Fuck it." I was that kind of teenager. Smart, too, because that most definitely would have been a couple hundred dollars wasted...
I feel like I've gotten the experience for which I sought out. I got paid to do debate in college. I did honors. I got elected into student government. I wrote a thesis about a topic I cared about and was invited to speak about it on a panel. I was in a sorority.
A better question is, "Am I fulfilled because I participated in these activities?" To be honest, I don't feel much different. I guess networking was accomplished, but I will probably forever disappoint people I should be networking with because my interests are fleeting and I need whatever I am doing to be extremely dynamic or challenging for me to keep doing it.
Actually, and this is a little embarrassing, but my short-lived interest thing is more of a problem than I maybe admit. Sometimes I wonder if I have some sort of learning disability, or something, in relation to this. Not learning disability... social disability? Anyway, what's embarrassing about this is that I've been offered two internships, both in which I have participated, and neither of them are on my resume because I pretty much just stopped going one day. Both times. And they were both well paid. Why? Because I had to sit at a desk for eight hour blocks of time. I may be legitimately incapable of doing so. Cost benefit analysis pointed to "do something better with your time" in both cases. I can't say I really regret it, except for one of them I let down someone I respected.
Now I work in a restaurant and I'm quite happy. What I'm doing wouldn't impress anyone but it's the most fun job I have ever had. I wouldn't want sales to be my permanent career because sucking dick for money isn't a lot of fun (figuratively speaking...), but I go to work and I get to act all day. I really do. I get to see if I can make the biggest asshole ever have a good time by the time he leaves. Or make new friends. People learn my name. I get to instill balance in the little restaurant. I get to train people, which is when I get to teach. Now I'm pretty much a lead and so I get to call a lot of the shots, which is awesome. And honestly? I'm making the best money I have ever made.
In conclusion: fuck ever having a desk job, the goal of college is a piece of paper, I like the restaurant industry (for now, anyway), a lot of experiences are bullshit, and it's all about who you know. I've actually found networking in college pretty easy because I go to a college where intelligence is exceptional and not the norm, and I'm intelligent. And I get way more credit for that than I deserve. It's not particularly unique or anything. Except, apparently, in the state of Alaska. Maybe I just hate this state too much. It's definitely getting to be time to move on.
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