Also, nevermind that most of my friends in Washington don't really care about me enough to even call me and pretend to be excited about my impending wedding, other than the usual gossip about me getting married so young (she's only 20! gasp!), and conversely, the fact that the people I do spend my time with up in Anchorage can't afford to fly down for all the festivities. And I'm not going to make them feel obligated to. And, to be perfectly honest, those people don't know me that well, either. Whose fault is that? No idea. It doesn't really matter, I guess. The only people who know me are my co-workers, which is kind of sad if you really think about it. But I work with some awesome people.
I'm more of a bridge burner than a bridge builder. And I like it that way. It feels very free. Not to mention that I knew this would happen if I moved. I did a cost-benefit analysis of moving and realized that living in the same place my whole life is not true to me, so why would I? And now I have Joe. What else do I need?
I guess I'm embarrassed because of social pressures, then. I don't have 100 screaming female friends helping me with this wedding shit. It's mostly just my mom and me. When I say mostly, I mean that, excluding Joe's family and my one grandma, and luckily, my awesome maid of honor, this is 100% all my mom and me doing the planning. People can't even give me the courtesy of RSVPing to say no. Because people don't know me, don't care about me, or whatever else. I sort of mind, because I feel left out or unpopular, but mostly I don't mind because if I wasn't being put through this tradition laden bullshit party, there would not be anything to remind me of that. It's not like wedding planning isn't fun, or I'm not excited, because...
Argh, I don't know why I'm writing this. Having hardly any friends and a family who doesn't care about you isn't that important when you're married, but I still hate the way it makes me feel. I'm trying to focus on other things.
